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A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his
flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he
picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange,
disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying,
“Jesus is
watching you.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out,
and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he
shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next
big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for
more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the
wires, clear as a bell he heard,
“Jesus is watching you.”
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking
for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the
room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
“Did you say that?”
He hissed at the parrot.
“Yep,”
the parrot confessed, then squawked,
“I’m just trying to warn you.”
The burglar relaxed.
“Warn me, huh? Who in the world
are you?”
“Moses,”
replied the bird.
“Moses?”
the burglar laughed.
“What kind of people would
name a bird Moses.”
“The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”
‘Balgobin
Strikes
Again’
TEACHER: Balgobin,
why are you doing your
math sums on the floor?
BALGOBIN: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: Why are you late?
BALGOBIN: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
BALGOBIN: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”
TEACHER: Balgobin, how do you spell “crocodile”?
BALGOBIN: “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L”
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
BALGOBIN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I
spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
BALGOBIN: “HIJKLMNO”!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN: Yesterday you said it’s H to O!
TEACHER: Balgobin, go to the map and find North America.
BALGOBIN: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Balgobin!
TEACHER: Balgobin, name one important thing we have
today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
BALGOBIN: Me!
TEACHER: Balgobin, why do you always get so dirty?
BALGOBIN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you
are.
BALGOBIN: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
BALGOBIN: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting
insects?
BALGOBIN: Don’t bite any.
TEACHER: Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
BALGOBIN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Balgobin. Always say, “I am.”
BALGOBIN: All right... “I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet.”
TEACHER: “Can anybody give an example of
COINCIDENCE?”
BALGOBIN: “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
same day, same time.”
TEACHER: “George Washington not only chopped down his
father’s cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you
know why his father didn’t punish him?”
BALGOBIN: “Because George still had the axe in his hand?”
BALGOBIN: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER: No. Why do you ask that?
BALGOBIN: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
TEACHER: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing,
one is green and one is blue with red spots!
BALGOBIN: Yes it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair just
like that at home.
TEACHER: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey
and stopped him,what virtue would I be showing?
BALGOBIN: Brotherly love?
TEACHER: Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?
BALGOBIN: No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Balgobin, your composition on “My Dog” is
exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
BALGOBIN: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!
