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The Navy found they had too many officers
and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for
Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch
measured in a straight line between any Two
points in his body.. The officer got to choose what
those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be
measured from the top of his head to the tip of
his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked
out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little
smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of
his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out
with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer,
a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he
would like to be measured replied,
‘From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.’
It was suggested by the pension man that he
might want to reconsider, explaining about the
nice big checks the previous two Officers had
received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go
along with him providing the measurement was
taken by a Medical Officer. The Medical Officer
arrived and instructed the Chief to ‘drop ‘em,’
which he did. The medical officer placed the tape
measure on the tip of the Chief’s weenie and
began to work back. “Dear Lord!”, he suddenly
exclaimed,
‘’Where are your testicles?’’
The old Chief calmly replied, ‘’ Vietnam ‘’.
Punography.......
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can
stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it
dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,
but I’d never met herbivore.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it
down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on
words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope
there’s no pop quiz.
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job
because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been
stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
Velcro - what a rip off!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are
sketchy.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
RETIREMENT BONUS
